10 – On self-love
I hate Instagram posts that say things like "love your flaws" and "embrace your imperfections". Do they realize how big of a request that is? Who loves everything about themselves? I probably like myself more than most people like themselves, but even still I don't like the sharpness in my voice when I say something harsh without meaning to, or the way my stomach rolls over the top of my jeans some days. But I don't have to love me all the time. I don't even have to like me all the time.
The bar of self-love is far too high. These days, I am just striving for self-acceptance. I may not always love me, but I can accept that my body changes, and that those changes are neither good nor bad, but simply a change. I can accept that some people will like me, and some people won't, and I should only be concerned if the people I like are usually the people who don't like me. I can accept that sometimes I am right, but sometimes I am wrong, and I will need to apologize for those wrongdoings, but they don't make me a bad person.
I can accept that I will not love myself right away. I am willing to be patient with self-love, to let it grow tenderly over time into something that I cannot rush or force. I have spent so many years pushing myself into growth through sheer force of effort, but I am ready to let self-love be unhurried. Love is patient, after all.
I look in the mirror and see someone who I don't always find beautiful, but who I do always find good. And if I stop separating beauty from goodness, it's amazing how much easier it becomes to like my reflection in the mirror. It becomes infinitely easier to survive a bad day when it's no longer a big deal to have a bad day. Everyone has bad days! A bad day is not a bad body or a bad soul or a bad life.
I am still worthy of love whether I love myself or not. Lack of self-love is not a disease that is contagious and will spread to all my loved ones, poisoning their love for me. They will love me either way. And if I let them in, they can show me things about me that are worthy of love that I've never even considered before. Because the true weakness of self-love rhetoric is that it is an isolated project, a prerequisite for love from others. And if that were true, well, we'd all be in trouble.